


We're Gonna Be Okay

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 07:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21070958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: The five times Eddie and Christopher tell each other things are going to be okay, and the first time Eddie sees Christopher telling someone else.





	We're Gonna Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> God okay, I started this days ago after I just couldn't stop thinking about the scene where Eddie tells Christopher "we're gonna be okay" and then about Christopher and Buck on the pier. So this had to happen. I gave myself a lot of feelings.

**1.**

Eddie stands frozen in the middle of the house, the note gripped tightly in his hands. _A note_. That’s all he has. No real goodbye or explanation. Not for him, or for Christopher. She’s just gone. She’s left them and now Eddie is left alone with their son.

“Dad?" Christopher questions. “Dad?”

Eddie shakes himself and looks down at Christopher. He’s looking up at him with wide eyes. “Yeah buddy?”

“Where’s mom?”

Eddie sits down on the couch and pulls Christopher down into his lap. He holds him close, needing the comfort as much as Christopher does. “She’s not here. She uhh…” What is he supposed to tell him? He can’t just tell his four year old that his mother left him. He can’t put him through that pain. “She needed to go away for a while.”

“Will she be back?” Christopher asks.

Eddie swallows past the lump in his throat, “I don’t know. I hope so. But you always have me okay?”

“Okay dad.”

Eddie smiles sadly and kisses the top of Christopher’s head. He pulls back, and cups his cheek. “We’re going to okay, Chris.”

He’s not sure how yet. He’s still learning how to be a father, but he knows he’s going to try. He’s going to do whatever it takes to be the father Christopher needs him to be. He doesn’t let Christopher see the tears he cries that night. He makes sure he’s safe in his room, sleeping soundly before letting himself feel. 

He gives himself that time, knowing that come morning he’s going to get out of bed and put it behind him. He’s going to be strong for his son.

* * *

**2.**

Eddie leans against the car outside Christopher’s school as he waits for him to come out. The first few days he’d gone in and met him outside the classroom, but Christopher had quickly put an end to that. He said he wanted to be picked up outside like the other kids. At five years old he’s already stubborn and wanting to latch onto any bit of independence he can. Eddie wasn’t going to deny him that.

Sure, his teacher walks him out, but he still walks by himself. Eddie smiles when he sees him coming out the door and pushes off the car. He can at least walk closer to greet him. There’s no rule against that. 

“Dad!” Christopher calls when he sees him. He speeds up in his walking as he tries to get to Eddie.

Eddie grins and kneels down, waiting for him to cross the last few steps. “Hey buddy!”

It happens quickly. So quickly that Eddie doesn’t have enough time to stop it. One moment Christopher is grinning and walking towards him. The next his crutch is hitting a crack in the concrete and Christopher is falling forward.

“Dad!” Christopher calls. He flails a bit, putting his arms out. 

Eddie rushes forward at the same time his teacher does, both reaching for Christopher. But it’s too late. By the time Eddie makes it to him Christopher has landed on the ground. 

“Christopher!” Eddie calls, kneeling down next to him. “Buddy. Hey.” He starts looking him over, trying to find any sign of injury. “Are you hurt?”

Christopher nods, and Eddie feels his blood run cold. He points down at his knee. “Hurts.”

Eddie lets out a breath as he looks at Christopher’s knee. It’s bloody and scraped up, but nothing appears broken. He turns to Christopher’s teacher. “Is the nurse still here?”

The man nods, “She is.”

“Good,” Eddie says. “I’m going to carry him in. Let her know we’re coming. We’ll need gauze, bandages, and some alcohol to clean him up.”

Christopher clings to him as soon as Eddie has him in his arm. He cries quietly, his tears soaking through Eddie’s shirt. Eddie’s chest aches. He hates seeing his son hurting like this. 

He places Christopher down on the exam table and sits next to him. Christopher has stopped crying, but his lip is still trembling. The nurse gets to work examining Christopher’s knee, and Eddie does his best to distract him. 

He puts his hand on Christopher’s cheek and smiles. “Hey, you’re gonna be okay kid.”

Christopher nods and leans into Eddie. “Thanks Dad.”

* * *

**3.**

The rain is pouring down, hitting hard against the window. There’s a flash of lightning in the sky, providing the briefest glimpse of light in the otherwise dark room. Eddie leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. 

It’s nearing 2 a.m., but he still hasn’t made it to his bed. He doubts he will. He hasn’t the last four nights. He can’t bring himself to leave Christopher’s side when he’s sleeping. He needs the assurance that at least one person he loves is safe and alive. 

Christopher had cried himself to sleep the night Eddie had told him. It had broken his heart to see him so distraught. He’d felt hopeless as to how to fix it. How can he mend Christopher’s broken heart when he’s also breaking apart? 

Tears are streaming down his face but he doesn’t move to wipe them away. There’s no point. More are just going to replace them. He hasn’t let himself cry much after his breakdown on the beach, not wanting to alarm Christopher. He needs to be strong for his son. Except Christopher is sleeping now, having finally gone back to sleep after waking up crying. 

Eddie is left feeling so raw. So alone. He knows he’s not. Not really. He has his family, the team, Buck. But he can’t handle the thought of letting any of them see him so broken. He knows they’d understand, of course. He just lost his wife. But there’s still a part of him that doesn’t want anyone to see that weaker side of him. He’s so used to hiding it. 

Which is why he only ever gets like this when he’s alone, and usually after having kept his emotions bottled up for far too long. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispers to the darkness. 

He startles when he feels a hand on his cheek before a quiet voice whispers back, “You’re going to be okay, Dad.”

Eddie looks over to see Christopher there, he’s leaning over the side of his bed looking down at him. 

Eddie's face crumples as he leans into the touch. He stands up, crawling onto Christopher's small bed next to him, and takes him into his arms. He holds him close and kisses his head. 

"I know," Eddie tells him. "I have you." He takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself. Christopher doesn't need to see this. "We're gonna be okay."

He says the words, wants to believe them, even though he still feels like there's a fist around his heart. He needs it to be okay. Not just for his sake, but for Christopher's.

* * *

**4.**

The sound of shattering followed by a panicked cry from Christopher has Eddie instantly on the alert. He drops the spoon he was using to stir the pasta sauce, barely thinking to turn off the burner, before rushing into the living room. 

The first thing Eddie notices is Christopher laying on the floor. His back is to Eddie, and he appears to be shaking. Eddie goes to him. He kneels behind him and reaches out, putting a hand on Christopher’s shoulder. Christopher makes a noise of distress and moves away.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry Daddy!”

“What?” Eddie questions. “What are you…?”

Then Eddie sees it. The shattered pieces of a vase on the floor a few feet away. Eddie sucks in a breath and reaches for Christopher again. “Are you hurt? Did you get cut?”

“No,” Christopher says, looking up at him with wide, wet eyes. “No. But it broke. I didn’t mean to.”

“Chris…”

“It was an accident!” Christopher says. “I swear!”

“Buddy I know that,” Eddie says, rushing to reassure him. He pulls Christopher up and into his lap, away from the broken pieces of the vase. “It’s just a vase.”

“It was Mama’s!” Christopher says, sounding more distressed by the minute.

Eddie sucks in a breath. Chris is right, it did belong to Shannon. It was one of the few things she’d brought into the house, saying her aunt had given it to her or something. He also remembers how she felt about it.

“Buddy,” he puts his hand on Christopher’s face. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not!”

“It is,” Eddie says. He moves his head to meet Christopher’s eyes. “I’ll you a secret about that vase. Your mom thought it was hideous and would probably have thanked you for breaking it.”

“Really?” Christopher asks.

Eddie nods, “Really.” He kisses Christopher’s forehead, relieved when the tears seem to stop. “It’s okay, Chris.”

Eddie brings Christopher to the kitchen and sweeps up the vase. He hesitates before dumping it into the trash, before grabbing a smaller piece. He has the edges dulled down and puts it on Christopher’s dresser next to a picture of them. When Christopher sees it, he smiles, letting Eddie know he did the right thing.

* * *

**5.**

Eddie doesn't think he's ever felt more helpless than he does in the days following the tsunami wherever Christopher has his nightmares. He tries to get Christopher to talk to him about them but he never will. 

Even though the therapist says to give it time and just be there for him it doesn't feel like enough. _He_ doesn't feel like enough. 

He's Christopher's father. He should be able to help him through this. To make him feel safe and protected. 

But he wasn't there in those long hours during and after the tsunami. Hell, he didn't even know his son was missing. 

Which he knows was out of his control. He couldn't have known. A natural disaster happened, like he told Buck. One that took the control right out of their hands. But Eddie still hates it. He hates not knowing what horrors Christopher saw. What's plaguing him when he sleeps. 

Not knowing who the woman is that haunts Christopher's dreams. 

Until he does. 

Until he sees the drawing on Christopher's board and the pieces start to fall together. 

_Shannon._

He compares the drawing from the board to one of the ones Christopher’s therapist gave him and turns to his son. “Christopher?” Christopher moves, sitting up and looking over at Eddie. “Is this Mom?”

Christopher looks away, and that’s all Eddie needs. He moves to the bed, sitting down in front of him. “Hey. Is that who you’ve been dreaming about?” Christophe nods, and Eddie grips his next. “Why didn’t you tell me?

“I don’t wanna make you sad.”

The words have Eddie’s heart breaking all over again. “Oh my…” Eddie moves, hugging Christopher tightly to him and rubbing his back. “Hey, hey,” he moves back, keeping his hand on Christopher as he ducks his head to meet his sons eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being sad. I loved your mom. And I miss her, probably always will. But…” he looks away briefly, trying to keep himself together enough to reassure his son. “We still got each other. Which means…” he smiles as best he can as Christopher’s hand comes up to his face in an achingly familiar gesture. “We’re gonna be okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He pulls Christopher to him, hugging him, and resting his head on his shoulder as his hands move along his back. 

“I love you, Daddy,” Christopher says. 

“I love you too,” Eddie tells him. “I always will.”

Eddie stays with him that night, holding Christopher as he sleeps. Eddie doesn’t much. He stays up watching him. Taking in how relaxed he looks, which sadly has been rare these past few weeks since the tsunami. Now Eddie knows why. He’d assumed it had been some stranger plaguing Christopher’s dreams. Not his mother. 

He’s been crying out for her all this time and Eddie had no idea, because Christopher didn’t want to upset him. Eddie places a kiss to his head as tears sting at his eyes. Here Eddie has been trying to be strong for him, not realizing that Christopher has been doing the same. 

Eddie makes a promise to himself to always be there for Christopher. To never let a day go by where he doesn’t tell his son how much he loves him. 

Eddie looks over when his phone flashes to see a text message from Buck. “Okay?” 

He closes his eyes a moment and smiles to himself. He’d texted Buck a few minutes ago, just wanting to know if he was still up and could talk. He hadn’t expected a response with how late it is, but of course Buck would answer. “Christopher’s been dreaming about Shannon. I didn’t find out until tonight.”

Eddie explains everything that happened tonight, letting the words flow from him without thought. It’s easier this way, typing them out and knowing they’re going to reach Buck, but not actually having to say them out loud. 

“Do you need anything?” Buck asks him.

“No,” Eddie sends back. “Not tonight. It’s nice just knowing you’re here. But I know Chris would like to see you. He’s been asking about you.”

Buck doesn’t respond for a few minutes, longer than it usually takes him. Eddie finds himself re-reading his message, wondering if he’d said something wrong. 

Finally, a full six minutes after Eddie sent the text, he gets a response from Buck. “You know I’ll always be there for both of you. You have my back, I have yours remember? How’s tomorrow sound?”

Eddie smiles to himself and looks down at Chris, sleeping soundly in his arms. “I’m off tomorrow, so that’s perfect. I’ll swing by in the morning and we can get breakfast?”

“Sounds good,” Buck tells him. “And Eddie?”

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Just being here, and reminding me of that.”

Eddie’s not sure what that means. He knows there’s probably more than Buck is saying. He tells himself he’ll ask him tomorrow when he sees him. That way Buck can’t excuse his way out of it. “Anytime,” Eddie sends back. “I’m always here for you.”

Eddie finds out the next day about the lawsuit, and how Buck had been close to going through with it. Until Eddie had reached out and reminded him what he had to lose. The way he looks at Eddie and Chris tells him that he’s not just talking about his job.

* * *

**+1**

Eddie's in the kitchen finishing up the dishes from dinner. He can hear laughter from Christopher's room and smiles. Buck's supposed to be getting him to sleep, but Eddie can't be mad. Not when it's been so long since any of them laughed freely like that. 

Buck's been a huge help with Christopher though. He always has been, but after the tsunami he's really stepped it up. Especially after the night Eddie texted him. Buck’s around a lot more, helping Eddie out with Chris and coming to dinner and just being there. It’s rare that a day goes by that Eddie doesn’t at least talk to Buck. He’s become a constant in their lives and sometimes it scares Eddie to think about just what that means.

Eddie finishes up with the dishes and walks down the hall to Christopher’s room. Things got quiet a while ago, leaving Eddie to wonder if Buck actually got Christopher to sleep. He peeks his head in the room to see Christopher in his bed, with Buck sitting on the side of it, a position Eddie has taken up many times. Eddie gets lost in watching them for a moment, not really hearing what they’re saying. At least not until he sees Christopher reach his hand up to touch Buck’s cheek.

"You're gonna be okay, kid."

Buck smiles and leans into the touch and he looks softly at Christopher. "Thanks buddy. So are you."

Christopher smiles and pats his cheek. "We're gonna be okay."

Eddie is frozen in the doorway as he watches them. He feels like his heart is in his throat. It's not even that anything bad has happened. The opposite, really. 

But to see Christopher doing for Buck what they've done for each other so many times is jarring. He's known Buck is important to both of them. That they both love him. But it wasn't until this moment that it hit him just how big it is. 

Buck's become such a central part of their lives now. To see Christopher comforting him in a way that until now they'd only comforted each other is as terrifying as it is reassuring. 

Eddie has to wonder if there have been other moments like that. Moments Eddie hasn't seen. 

It's that moment that Buck looks up and sees Eddie standing in the doorway. Christopher's hand is still on his cheek as he smiles, drawing a wide smile from Christopher. 

And _oh_. That's something he wants to see more of. His heart is hammering in his chest and it’s starting to get harder to get air into his lungs. How had he not seen this before? 

“Eddie?” Buck questions.

“I love you.”

The words leave Eddie’s mouth before he can stop them. He finds he doesn’t want to. Not now that the words are finally there, putting a name to everything he’s been feeling. It’s amazing how much calmer he feels now that he’s said them. Especially considering his heart is in Buck’s hands right now. But he trusts Buck. 

Buck’s eyes widen for a moment, before he takes a deep breath and nods, whether to himself or Eddie he’s not sure. “I love you too.”

“I told you we were gonna be okay,” Christopher says. He yawns and shifts in his bed, looking over at Eddie. “Right Dad?”

“Right,” Eddie says. He moves into the room, sitting on the bed next to Buck, their knees touching. He smiles down at Christopher and runs a hand through his hair. There’s a hesitant touch to his left hand that has Eddie looking over at Buck. He’s watching him carefully. Eddie just smiles wider and turns his hand over, a silent offering which Buck takes with a smile of his own. Sitting here with Buck and Christopher, Eddie knows one thing for certain: “We’re gonna be okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Any kudos/comments make my day ♥  
[My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
